Hi, my name is Danielle, and I have an addictive personality.
That said, let me explain myself. I need to have my fix, whatever that may be at the current point and time in my life. It used to be drugs and alcohol, has been sex, computer games (Sims), TV series, crocheting, baking, cooking, cleaning, Mt Dew, nicotine, caffeine, chocolate, food, etc. I have this unnatural compulsion to channel my entire efforts and being into getting my next _______. Right now, it is Mt Dew, cigarettes, and the internet; facebook, in particular.
I am now faced with a decision. Do I keep the internet, and pay TW Cable the exorbitant amount they want me to pay, or do I still pay them to remain in good standings, but also return my modem and cut off service, since I'm under no contractual obligation to them... I have wrestled with this choice for some time now, and I know for most, it's a very simple decision: single mom, two kids, unemployed... Cut off the internet. But, you see, for me it is part of a sickness. It's a way to deflect my thoughts and feelings and get wrapped up in something mundane and ignore the real world around me. My house has become increasingly more messy with piles of laundry (both clean and dirty) thrown around, the couch is always cluttered, dishes always need to be done, trash taken out, etc. I've neglected every household chore, even put my cooking on a hiatus and opted to make quick and easy convenience foods (fried and nuggets, hotdogs and mac), and have Noah eat in the car on the way to or from church. I have, thankfully, NOT put church on the back burner. That is still a priority to me, but it seems that the internet has taken presidance over a lot of things in my life, even, at times, my children.
So, I think, having realized that and taken a much deeper look, instead of just viewing the positive aspects (endless free crochet patterns, tv and movies on hulu, keeping in touch with people), and really weighing the pros and cons of this tough choice, I have come to the final conclusion...
I will be turning in my modem no later than Friday. I am giving myself this time so that I may copy a ton of crochet patterns onto my flash drive, and get all the necessary contact info from certain people on the net that I'd like to keep in touch with. This may be a short break (but no less than one month) or, it may be a longer one. I am about to embark on a spiritual journey that will take up to a year, and perhaps I will wish to remain distraction-free and meditate in my free time instead of playing frontierville, cafe world, and farkle.
I will find a way to the computer once a week, for a limited amount of time (maybe at the library, or, more likely, at Chris's house) and blog, check FB messages, read e-mails, and, ultimately, LOG OFF. I'm really sad to see the internet (well, not really the internet so much as the people I talk to on a daily basis) go, but I am also excited, at the same time, that I am taking a step in the right direction and choosing, for once, the hard way instead of the easy way. :)
As I finished writing this, I realized how much this sounds like an "it's not you, it's me" break up letter! lol
That said, let me explain myself. I need to have my fix, whatever that may be at the current point and time in my life. It used to be drugs and alcohol, has been sex, computer games (Sims), TV series, crocheting, baking, cooking, cleaning, Mt Dew, nicotine, caffeine, chocolate, food, etc. I have this unnatural compulsion to channel my entire efforts and being into getting my next _______. Right now, it is Mt Dew, cigarettes, and the internet; facebook, in particular.
I am now faced with a decision. Do I keep the internet, and pay TW Cable the exorbitant amount they want me to pay, or do I still pay them to remain in good standings, but also return my modem and cut off service, since I'm under no contractual obligation to them... I have wrestled with this choice for some time now, and I know for most, it's a very simple decision: single mom, two kids, unemployed... Cut off the internet. But, you see, for me it is part of a sickness. It's a way to deflect my thoughts and feelings and get wrapped up in something mundane and ignore the real world around me. My house has become increasingly more messy with piles of laundry (both clean and dirty) thrown around, the couch is always cluttered, dishes always need to be done, trash taken out, etc. I've neglected every household chore, even put my cooking on a hiatus and opted to make quick and easy convenience foods (fried and nuggets, hotdogs and mac), and have Noah eat in the car on the way to or from church. I have, thankfully, NOT put church on the back burner. That is still a priority to me, but it seems that the internet has taken presidance over a lot of things in my life, even, at times, my children.
So, I think, having realized that and taken a much deeper look, instead of just viewing the positive aspects (endless free crochet patterns, tv and movies on hulu, keeping in touch with people), and really weighing the pros and cons of this tough choice, I have come to the final conclusion...
I will be turning in my modem no later than Friday. I am giving myself this time so that I may copy a ton of crochet patterns onto my flash drive, and get all the necessary contact info from certain people on the net that I'd like to keep in touch with. This may be a short break (but no less than one month) or, it may be a longer one. I am about to embark on a spiritual journey that will take up to a year, and perhaps I will wish to remain distraction-free and meditate in my free time instead of playing frontierville, cafe world, and farkle.
I will find a way to the computer once a week, for a limited amount of time (maybe at the library, or, more likely, at Chris's house) and blog, check FB messages, read e-mails, and, ultimately, LOG OFF. I'm really sad to see the internet (well, not really the internet so much as the people I talk to on a daily basis) go, but I am also excited, at the same time, that I am taking a step in the right direction and choosing, for once, the hard way instead of the easy way. :)
As I finished writing this, I realized how much this sounds like an "it's not you, it's me" break up letter! lol
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